By Julia Caulfield
Tess Kunik and her sister, Liv, were best friends. But from a young age, Liv struggled with depression. When she was 19-years-old, she died by suicide. Following her death, Kunik created a documentary to discuss the struggles and stigma when it comes to mental health, and the effect suicide can have on the family and friends left behind.
Tri-County Health Network is hosting a film screening next week. KOTO’s Julia Caulfield spoke with Kunik, and Susan Caso, a consulting therapist on the film.
Julia Caulfield (JC): LIV is a documentary, it was shown at Mountainfilm, and Tess, it was described as a ‘love letter’ to your sister and best friend. I imagine this was, at times, a very difficult topic to discuss and film to make. Can you share a bit about the film, and what drew you to make it?
Tess Kunik (TK): I lost my sister, Liv, at age 19, last year to suicide, and when she passed we made a film to tell her story. You know, we wanted to create it to bring awareness, and to show that Liv is not just a statistic, but a human being. All of these statistics are human beings, and to really humanize the issue and get people talking. You know the film really is a love letter, and the letter came about because I was really struggling with connecting with Liv after she died. My mom felt comfortable talking to her and some of her friends were feeling her, and I just wasn’t connecting. I had a lot of anger and sadness about that. So, I decided to write a letter, and the letter really helped me in my grief, it was the first time I felt I could connect with her, and it also became kind of the road for the film. It was challenging, but it also helped my heart through my grief.
JC: Susan, you’re a therapist and a consultant on the film. When you’re working on a project like this, how do you go about balancing recognizing and honoring the subjects, while also maintaining the seriousness of the subject that you’re discussing?
Susan Caso (SC): You know, the first time I saw the first cut of the film, I was so taken aback. It really is just the raw grief and vulnerability that Tess and her mother, Honey, show in the film, [it] is so powerful and so courageous and I felt from the very beginning how this would impact people in such a big way. Not only to get the conversation started, but also for individuals that are struggling. We’ve had people that were currently struggling with thoughts of suicide and depression, and they come away after seeing the film, thinking that suicide isn’t an option anymore. It’s “I’m not better, but I’m not going to take my life anymore. I’m not going to do that to my family and my loved ones.” And that is the power of the film, that is something I could feel right from the beginning. We did have meetings with the director and the producer, making sure that the theme was “do no harm”, and really what’s that line of showing the experience of grief, but not dramatizing it in a way that would make it look attractive in a way to take that option of taking their life.
JC: On a similar note, you’ve both touched on the importance of starting these, potentially tough, conversations. How do you suggest people who watch the film, or want to get involved, bring these conversations into their daily lives?
SC: When somebody is having thoughts of suicide it can be very scary. They’re experiencing a lot of pain and they can see no other way out, other than taking their life, and they’re often sitting in it alone, afraid and ashamed to tell anyone. Coming back to the film again, I think shows that we need to have these conversations in any environment that we’re at. For example, Tess and Honey spoke very openly with Liv about how she was feeling, but when [Liv] went to college, there was this barrier of sharing how she was doing or what her diagnosis was with her new environment, with her new people. Having open conversations is really what we do know helps relive someone. I think we all have good intuition when someone’s really not doing well, I think it’s really about listening to our gut and going “wait a minute, I’m thinking maybe something isn’t right”. And often times sharing your own struggles gives someone that door open to share their struggles with you.
TK: When you’re worried about someone the first thing to do is ask them. Ask them if they’re having thoughts of self harm, or suicide, and not being afraid to say that word, suicide. And then listening, and not being afraid to listen. I think that is a huge problem in our society, is not really listening. Having fearless conversations, it’s not just fearlessly speaking, it’s fearlessly listening to the answer, and then working together to find a way to build a plan for whoever is struggling, together.
JC: What do you hope that people take away from watching the film.
TK: I hope that they take away that if they’re struggling, they’re not a burden. That no matter how dark of a place they’re in, there is someone out there (and maybe many someones out there) who cares very deeply. There is always someone.
JC: Tess and Susan, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today.
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Tri-County Health Network will host a virtual screening of the film, LIV, on Monday, July 27th at 5:30. There will be a virtual discussion with members of the film’s team, and a therapist following the film. To register for the screening, go to tchnetwork.org.
If you, or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Liveline at 1-800-273-8255, or call the Center for Mental Health’s Crisisline at 1-844- 493-8255.